I was telling my girlfriend that I couldn’t focus on my work lately because of external factors like going to a party, and how I couldn’t focus after that. It feels like every time I do something fun, it resets my focus.
She was listening to everything I was yapping about.
Eventually, she said, “You know what… you are making excuses,” and she started explaining herself, saying I lack discipline and that I am blaming everything except myself.
I realized that I was playing the victim.
I never thought I would say that, because I don’t like people who play the victim, but I was doing just that, and that is probably why my girlfriend went off on me. She was tired of my whining and complaining (and no, I swear I don’t complain all the time, but that time she wasn’t feeling it lol).
The worst part about this is that I wasn’t aware of it. I thought I was in the right and that I couldn’t do anything about my situation. It felt like I had no control over my life, which stressed me out.
Another realization I had right now: surround yourself with people who are able to call you out and be honest.
I am grateful that I have this person in my life because I could’ve been playing the victim for who knows how long.
Because of that experience, I will need to stop blaming things that I have no control over and focus on the things that I can control, which is myself, and only myself.